Mother's Day

I love being a mother!
It is hard, the hardest thing ever.  It is work. I am exhausted. It is humbling. I often feel I am playing a guessing game that I just can't figure out. It is frustrating, discipline is probably my weakest area....I just can't seem to know the right path to take at times, but I love it and I love my sweet girls!  I feel so incredibly lucky to finally have them.
I've probably said this many times, but before I was married, I used to hate Mother's Day.  They always tried to make all the women feel special that day, but all I could think about was the fact that I was not a mother and didn't know if I would ever be one.  Of course, I enjoyed the part of letting my mom know how special she was and how grateful I was/am for her, but mostly I felt sorry for myself.
It's all in one's perspective. Since I've had children,  I don't like to think of myself on that day, I like to just think of my mom.  Most of the church talks make me feel guilty about all that I'm NOT doing. There's even this talk by Julie Beck called "Good Mother's Know" or something like that and to be honest, I hate that talk.  I don't measure up.
Okay so I've typed about 5 different topics and then deleted them....just not able to express myself today,
To sum it up, I love being a mom. I love my mom. I'm thankful for all the women that have mothered me and for all the women that help mother my children.

Here's my Mother's Day cake for my mom.  I love it.  I think it turned out pretty cute!

Mothering

Mother's Day was a a terribly great day.  What does that mean you ask?  Well, first the terrible and then the great.
We have been having quite the struggle with our Maili lately. She's turned into Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde. She can be so sweet and funny and cute and then she emerges as a little monster stranger. Is it early PMS? is it personality clashes? Is it testing?  Is she just now reacting to the baby? OR is she just 4?
As I sat in Sacrament meeting yesterday with a baby that was oh so tired and hungry, my sweet mom came to our ward and played with Haeli. Dr. Jekyl decided to emerge and throw her sacrament water all over, she continued to whine and cry and throw a tantrum. Then, Haeli unintentionally spilled the bag of cracker crumbs all over the bench and floor while I held the tired, hungry Ashli.  I lost it. Tears began to roll down my cheeks out of pure exhaustion. Exhaustion with this demanding 4 year old who I just can't understand. I prayed a silent prayer begging for some relief and understanding. Kevin sat on the stand feeling helpless as he watched me try to hide my tears and collect myself.  As the speakers were talking about and revering their mothers, I wasn't feeling so willing to be honored by all that I do.  I was mad and tired and I felt undeserving.
Soon we headed home to encounter even more tantrums, time outs, etc. Then awhile later, my hero came home. He handled everything...the time outs, the discipline....I actually got a nap! That was the best present of them all.  I arose feeling refreshed and ready to tackle the day.  My brother made some delicious shish kabobs and Kevin helped me make some side dishes. We gathered and ate to our heart's content.  I enjoyed watching my children play with their cousins and grandma. I love being a mother. I am learning more than I could have ever imagined. Maili's phase will pass and it will be someone else's turn. All will be well. I love when my girl's run to me after I've been gone to give me big hugs and kisses. I love little Ashli's face light up when I come near and her whole body gets excited.  I love seeing my girls learn and play and giggle. I love reading stories and singing songs, I love holding Ashli when she's sleeping on my shoulder. I love kissing boo boo's and drying tears. I love watching them accomplish and excell. I love my children, I love my husband and I love my life. It was a terribly great Mother's Day. Thanks to my hero...I'm excited for our Mother's Day date. I wouldn't trade it for anything.